By KC SHOEN
Kia Ora C-Lux,
It may sound like an April Fools joke, but it's 15 months in and it doesn't seem like one meaningful day of logical, functional, and beneficial public policy in your ionospheric-level fact-averse , incoherent, putrid, soft and fraudulent coalition has been achieved.
However, here are your 'achievements' thus far:
- Your National Party-led Coalition oversaw the largest drop in GDP in 2024 since 1991 (a time when National was also in power...imagine that). And whilst it was recent reported that GDP actually rose 0.7 in December 2024. the annual growth is now at -0.5, down from 0.1 the previous September
- The unemployment rate since the National-led coalition came into power was 3.9% in December 2023 and ballooned to 5.1% as of February 2025. The Wellington region (population 550, 600 as of June 2024) in that relative period experienced 153, 000 job losses , comparatively to Auckland ( with a population of 1.76 million as of 2021) lost 100,000 in the year-over-year period (April 2023 to April 2024).
- To date, the National Party led coalition has produced zero net job growth since taking office in 2023, meaning not one net positive new job has been created in the first 15 months since its ascendance. The welfare rolls have swelled to record levels , with the Ministry of Social Development reporting a record number of job-seeker and emergency assistance applications received over the last year being at the highest since 1991, and continued to escalate through February 2025 , year-over-year
- Your coalition partner , ACT leader David Seymour's instituted school lunch program has snuffed 75 kiwi suppliers , replacing it with Compass Group- an irreputable multi-national conglomerate who has a well documented piss poor reputation in food preparation and management. Additionally, One of the major sub-contractors under Compass Group is currently in liquidation. This coupled with melted plastic found in the prepared lunches, and a child receiving 2nd degree burns as his lunch exploded on him from excessive high-heat pressure demonstrates the continued issues of competency in execution and delivery with the Seymour-led school lunch programme that has been a constant since January 2025.
- Under this coalition government, and as of Feb 2025, 60% of the wealth ion New Zealand is now controlled by 10% of the population, a group that pays no capital gains tax, consisting of median to wealthy property owners/landlord receiving further tax concessions, creating downward tax pressure on poor and working class families as a result
- New Zealand's two largest cities are experiencing record high homelessness never before experienced. (averaging a 45% increase collectively over the last year) despite the OECD report substantiated Aotearoa's lack of infrastructure to cope with endemic houselessness in May of last year. (which Minister of Housing Chris Bishop promised to address, just prior to the government asset sell-off of 200 Kainga Ora houses , and demolishing 700 more), To date, your coalition government is leaving a net 0 amount of created, planned or newly completed builds coming on to address this expanding crisis. Further, stricter regulations have been implemented by both Mr. Bishop and his lackey Toma Potaka to directly frustrate the application process, further declining those who are in actual need.
So Prime Minister, by the numbers, your weak, feckless, and uncoordinated coalition has accomplished the following
0 economic growth
0 employment growth and job creation
0 new council houses planned or built
0 capital gains/ wealth tax.
0 additional officers for New Zealand Police in 2025
0 net positive outcomes from Seymour's school lunch programme imbroglio , which continues to fail spectacularly
0 New ferries with rail transport capability confirmed as of this post (this, after blowing up the previous government's iRex agreement with Hyundai, which would have yielded larger ships at a lower cost, and included port retrofit to accommodate for rail transfer , to the tune of 300 million in contractual unwinding, with no contract to replace it.)
Like Billy Preston once said, 'nothin' from nothin means nothin'
Results like this are more akin to a CEO of a major aircraft manufacturing company who pushes cutting corners in production, quality control, and safety mechanisms expecting 'better outcomes and efficiencies' without understanding the nature of competent aircraft manufacture, then later having to resort to suddenly vacate his position via a 'golden parachute' so as to avoid criminal prosecutions due to his imposed short cuts leading to the killing of hundreds of people worldwide in several horrific crashes. Said CEO then narrowly escapes prosecutorial consequences from the oozing and collapsing, brackish slime of his own murderous greed and incompetence.
This is the visual example of your Coalition government 'hitting all the KPIs" "hitting your targets" "doing basics brilliantly" , and your being 'laser-focused on economic growth, growth, growth'. It exemplifies how multi-national corporations CEOs induce empty, euphemistic syntax and verbiage that presumes technical and structural outlays and goals that sound official , specific, assured as factually supported. and attainable.
The 'goals' however are often artifice, packaged as tangible and relevant, which , on further objective analysis, much of this sloganeering rhetoric has zero substance toward real-time circumstances or conditions it attempts to claim that it is addressing, as it is devoid of verifiable detail associated with 'real world' impact , coupled with performative actions on a superficial and theatrical level
In short: Quite an ample amount of empty adjectives, adverbs, and actions to say and do absolutely 'nothin' '
David Seymour, being the walking, talking Atlas Network think tank vomit that he is 'added value' of his own , hiding behind the droll, smarmy, vacuous arguments about pulling up ones bootstraps , 'economic self-determination' and 'equal rights' which is doublespeak for more land seizure from indigenous peoples , more giveaways to corporate metastasizing and access to resources for the raping and pillaging by multinational conglomerate willing to pay to play.
Seymour's endlessly performative fuckery of the flubbing of the school lunch programme is in line with your fact-less slop about needing to eliminate 14 imaginary layers of bureaucracy from Health NZ that 'would not include frontline staff' , where in by it was precisely frontline staff you had cut. To call it lying is obvious- both yourself and Seymour have a near recalcitrant relationship with facts and truth that bridges upon the obscenely absurd. Your preferred method of mis-directive narration is a bit different from the ACT leader, where as Seymour takes advantage of bullying soft, conflict-adverse local media personalities in totality, fully aware they will not push him on his dishonesty by forcibly talking over and repeating his lies , and calling them names in a condescendingly passive-aggressive overtones.
However , Prime Minister you have mastered the dark art of wholesale obfuscation, by blurting out senseless and ineffectual, repetitive, non-contextual , superfluous word salad responses without answering a single question directly. At all. This approach has confounded the likes of most reporters , script readers, and teleprompter commandos . What it provides in clarity is that the destruction of the health & public services being embarked upon by you two specifically is deliberate
PM Luxon spending 30 minutes not answering a single, direct question from Jack Tane om Q&A. . Just for self- amusement, count the times C-Lux prefaces a non-answer with "what I would say to you is " a signal he will respond with a word salad to go nicely with a plate of deliverable bullshit (Courtesy Q&A with Jack Tame- TVNZ1 productions )
Further evidence of your purposeful destruction of the social contract, you brought in Simeon Brown who is patently underdeveloped emotionally , reactionary as a petulant teenager hyped up on hormones and Ritalin when he receives well-earned criticism, and bestowed to him the Health NZ portfolio: one of the largest and most complex to handle after you sacked Dr Shane Reti , a respected GP who was not cut out for your slash-and-burn takedown 'targets' of Health NZ. This being done, when seeking shelter from the blatant cockup committed with National's ensuring accessible cancer research meds would get continued funding floundered when both yourself and the intellectually diminutive Nicola Willis screwed the pooch so badly you quickly had to vomit out for media consumption that 'the end of the year' the funding would be available having been unintendedly left out and forgotten of the budget earlier in 2024.
So with Dr. Reti out for the sake of covering National's hide, PeeWee Herman now gets the grand responsibility. Since he has assumed the role, there were 3 deaths by emergency wait-times uncovered in Wellington alone, with doctors in the Northland reporting that the outsourcing elective procedures is being done to fraudulently bolster reduction of wait times , deliberately stripping the NHS of resources in the process. If correct, its the same game the Tories and their backers, the pharmaceutical industry and private insurance corporate monoliths, ran in the UK over a period of a decade.
This is austerity in action: the predatory economic strategy meant to addle the working class poor by keeping them underemployed and underpaid so as to prevent meaningful unity and unionization to battle back through the electoral process. The idea is to break their will, get them consumed by their own struggle, being so 'punch drunk' and exhausted so as not be able to muster a clear, cogent and cultivated informed response by political action en masse . The National-led coalition's socio-economic ineptitude is no accident- it is anti-working/ anti-middle class . These results profess alignment to the 10% whom you, Seymour, Willis, Bishop & Brown are actually committed to.
It is quite disgusting to watch this cirque d'abat-jour parading as actual mandated public policy, when upon closer review is just performative cosplay , with emphasized pretense on 'economic growth' and 'law and order', neither of which have been successful on any real metric, only the pseudo-performative KPIs you invent as you go along. Your Housing Minister recently articulated an unintentional and accurate assessment of the homeless crisis, and the governments true position on Q&A with Jack Tane (30 March broadcast) :
" We've made it harder to get into (social housing), and easier to get out".
As previously mentioned, Bishop had changed the settings for receiving emergency housing assistance in August 2024 which directly increased homelessness in Auckland , Wellington, and even Christchurch. This casual admission was meant to contextually allay concern about fraudulent procurement of such emergency assistance from the state, (and as always, being absent of any data to support his empty claim) that such fraud was endemic, basically confessing what the true policy is: to aid in the collective and continuing fucking over of the homeless and working poor for the sake of multi-national corporations to profit directly from resource raping New Zealand , placing already-proven ineffective austerity measures at the behest of the donor class so they continue the updraft of lost income of the lower class as profit for themselves.
Your sizable oblique, egocentric-driven hatred of the working class extends from the narcissistic assumption of you being somehow 'special' or well-endowed with talent as a previous-tenured CEO serval times over. The truth is far more unforgiving: CEOs are normally the least talented, least imaginative and most hated species within the current corporate landscapes and in the general public. Often, they are mere figureheads whose only responsibility is generating profit at all costs for stockholders, implementing shallow, soulless superficial sloganeering rhetoric and directives for top-down delivery to other direct reports to create.
The 'empty suit' moniker is the apt description of your 'leadership style'. So vapid , weak and willfully ignorant Prime Minister , your own coalition partners have zero respect for you professionally , treating you as their Muppet, knowing they will not face any consequences if they violate rule or law as you will not hold them to account to yourself or to the people that are suppose to serve. And why shouldn't they? You capitulated to Seymour's TP Bill without contest, knowing it would be political boric acid upon its first reading in Parliament. Having not appeared at the Hikoi in Wellington back in November of last year and ducking out of the Te Tiriti celebrations at Waitangi this passing February demonstrated your intractable thin-skinniness when it comes to facing criticism of the shallow defense of your coalition , using your heinous , moronic cacophony of verbal gymnastics that you eschew in every situation which requires articulate authenticity in addressing meaningfully, turning over deflective canards , favoring defensive posturing to preserve your ego rather than have the balls to own your short-sided vision which has leant not only to your deliberate destruction of job creation, but has raise the scepter of cultural and racial division which you spurred on by the closing of Māori wards, attacking Te Reo Māori , attempting its removal from public spaces , government office locations , literature and communications.
When you want to marginalize and eliminate the presence of an indigenous culture , always begin at the erasure of their language - a classic colonial maneuverer, right Prime Minster?
What I find fascinating in your particular approach to this, is your insistence that you don't support the Treaty Principals Bill past its 2nd reading, which taken in totality is a perfectly worthless and wasteful activity allowing this poorly conceived piece of documental contrived ass to even travel through this far into the parliamentary process whilst having no intention of rendering collective support. this speaks loudly to the exact nature that both yourself and Act Leader David Seymour are nearly ideologically identical :
Both of you are staunch pro-oligarchical/ managerial class minions, have a strong loathe of workers and the working poor as you view them as losers and parasites, and you both would be more than happy to fuck over the homeless thousands across Aotearoa, being the mindless, cheerleaders of late-stage American-style Capitalism despite the horrific downside ongoing in that failed Republic.
And being the good tie-waring pro-corporate/ capitalist indoctrinated filth that you are, both of you ascribe to the hatred of anything native, brown-skinned that isn't of white European descendancy. You have made it your collective unstated mission to foment emotional hostilities, create divides socially and politically as part of the overall distraction, whilst you and your corporate criminal homeboys fuck off with all the money and resources. stolen from publicly purposed services and benefits that are naturally funded by working-class taxation.
Commoners like myself call that 'theft' , Prime Minister
This explains your incessant need in blaming the previous Labour government for Nationals incompetent inaction of public policy and nonsensical budgetary cuts to destroy institutions that are infrastructure and services-related. It is being done purposely by you and your coalition.
Believing yourself to be so gifted in negotiation and such a paragon of corporate success is so maniacally absurd it qualifies for classification as being the result of the Dunning-Krueger effect. Having no original thoughts or ideas which could even amount to anything resembling a 'plan', you have soaked the media landscape and the walls of Parliament with empty adjectives, platitudes, slogans, deflective narration and name calling of your opponents as standard content in your interactions as Prime Minister.
You have foisted the veneer of your governance as being akin as the "CEO of New Zealand", with the coalition , anti-intellectual as it is, with yourself leading the charge, Prime Minister, artfully imparting zero substantiation of verified data or research to clearly assemble legitimate, cohesive economic policy , choosing hollow rhetoric resembling articulatable policy without meaningful detail, or answering a single, direct question intelligently. This ugly and superficial sideshow of incognizance reached an apex when you couldn't answer a direct yes-or-no question from radio personality Michael Hosking regarding the resignation of MP Andrew Bayly. The 'CEO' construct is nothing beyond self-aggrandizement, and belies the truth about your leadership style...
You don't have one, because you can not lead, and you haven't thus far. What you have done is achieved office , and have conducted performance pieces as interviews to render facades of 'active leadership' in stand-ups, sit-downs and other events with which you lent your face to the media. Circus and bread with a side of word salad ad nauseum whilst your Coalition continues to sell off New Zealand by the kilogram to oligarchical paper-chasers who haven't any concern of culture or the public at large.
And what the public has seen and experienced to this point, is that (just like these last 4 paragraphs of this article ) there is a whole lotta nothin' goin' on'